Warning Signs of Dating Violence

A visitor to our site wrote us the following e-mail regarding the person that she was dating:

“My boyfriend hasn’t had an easy life. He hasn’t been able to control the things that happen. So I expected him to be a little controlling when we first got together. Except lately we have been fighting. He is jealous, possesive, controlling. When I pointed this out to him he calmed down and things were really good for awhile. Now the signs are starting to come back. What can I do to show him I love him but also explain to him he needs to change?”

If you or someone you know is experiencing the same or similar behaviors in a person they are dating keep the following things in mind:

- Being jealous, possessive and controlling are NOT ok.
- Although these actions are not abuse per se, they are warning signs of potential abuse.
- There is never an excuse to hurt someone in any way – even if you have had a hard life.
- Everyone deserves to be in a healthy relationship that consists of mutual trust, respect and support.

If you are experiencing warning signs in your relationship and decide to stay in the relationship its important to have a talk with your significant other:
- Let them know that you will leave if the abusive behaviors continue.
- Focus on your own needs and be clear about how you want them to change. Don’t accept excuses if they do not change their behavior.
- Encourage your partner to get help. Domestic violence programs can teach themm to have violence-free relationships.
- Your partner should have a positive attitude towards change. If they admit that what they are doing is not ok they are more likely to stop.

If you decide to leave the relationship it is important to know that abuse can get worse when you try to leave a relationship. That’s why it’s a very good idea to create safety plan. A safety plan can help you avoid dangerous and know the best way to react when you are in danger. Visit The Safe Space to download our safety planning guidebooks.

Being in an abusive relationship can make you feel isolated. Talk to a friend you trust about what is going on. You shouldn’t have to deal with this alone. There is help.
Remember, if you need to talk to someone about your specific situation email us at: askanything@thesafespace.org or visit us @ www.thesafespace.org