Have a Heart!

We are proud to announce the launch of our Have a Heart Campaign! A new initiative created for teens, teachers and elected officials to raise awareness about dating violence in February. Here is how you can get involved in the Have a Heart Campaign and help raise awareness about dating violence:

Get to the HEART of the Matter
On February 10, as part of our Have a Heart Campaign, students from across the nation will hear a message of healthy relationships during their morning announcements. The first 100 schools to register will receive a free copy of Break the Cycle's [Ending Violence] curriculum, courtesy of Mary Kay Inc. Register your school today!

Wear Your HEART on Your Sleeve
Throughout the month of February teens and adults across the nation will be wearing hearts on their sleeves to raise awareness about teen dating violence. Get your HEARTS now!

HEART Someone
Teen Dating Violence Awareness Month isn’t just about unhealthy relationships, it’s about promoting healthy ones as well. Help promote healthy relationships by sending someone our health-e-relationships card!

Speak from the HEART
Help us form a unified voice to require dating violence education in schools by writing a letter to your senator and sign the petition to get dating violence education in schools!

Have a HEART-to-HEART
Is someone you know in an unhealthy relationship? Have you talked to your teen about dating violence? Do you know someone who might be abusive? Have a heart-to-heart.

HOPE with All Your HEART
Become a member of break the cycle’s HOPE and join a national organization dedicated to ending dating violence year-round.

Don’t forget to share the love and tell your friends about the Have a Heart Campaign, and to join us on facebook! With your help we can create a world full of healthy, happy relationships for all.

If you want to learn more about Teen Dating Violence Awareness Month, visit http://www.teendvmonth.org where you will find up to date information about dating violence awareness events and campaigns.

Digital Drama

Sexting, constant messaging, demanding information, spying, digital disrespect and cruelty can have serious consequences. Sexting, for example, can end you up in jail in some states for child pornogrophy charges and cause you to register as a sex offender - even if the pictures you send are of yourself. And all of types of digital abuse can cause severe emotional damage. And that is not cool. Ever.

MTV has created athinline.org in order to stop digital abuse. A Thin Line describes each type of digital abuse and has questions you can ask yourself to help clarify whether or not what you are doing or experiencing is abuse -there are even a few links to thesafespace.org. And if you are experiencing digital drama, athinline.org has resources that you can use to help you stop the abuse.

Digital abuse has serious consequences, and it’s important to know where you stand and what you can do if you are facing online abuse. So head on over to athinline.org and find out how you can protect yourself!

Remember, that if you have questions about your relationship, thesafespace.org is here to help. Just email askanything@thesafespace.org .

A time for cheer: Dating Violence and the Holidays.

The holidays are often viewed as the happiest times of the year – a time to rejoice with family & friends. Unfortunately, the holiday season is often a time of increased family and personal stress, which can lead to increased incidences of domestic violence. An article in the Seymour Herald reported eight incidences of intimate partner violence this week, arresting both men and women, ages 21-54. The article sited research by the Tennessee Bureau of Investigation that there is usually an increase in domestic violence during the holidays due to “family stress”, alcohol and the economic stress that is put upon families during the holidays.

In the past two weeks, we have seen several prominent individuals involved in domestic incidents - from Tiger Woods over Thanksgiving, to Cincinnati Bengals' Chris Henry, who was allegedly involved in a domestic incident that ultimately led to his death. was a lot of news focusing on two domestic violence incidences that occurred around the holidays, one involving tiger woods (on thanksgiving) and recently, the death of the cincinatti bengals chris henry who was involved in a domestic incident which led to his own death.


While stories of celebrities or sports figures can dominate the news cycle, especially as they are fueled by speculation on social media sites such as Twitter, we cannot and must not forget those victims of abuse who go unheard until tragedy occurs. One such story appeared in the LA Times. Brandon Manai, 28, was convicted Thursday in the murder of his 24-year old wife, Julie Rosas. What is alarming from the story is the visible signs of an unhealthy relationship that were present through their brief marriage - incessant phone calls and texts, late night arguments, showing up unannounced to her place of work. These are all acts identified by the Safe Space as indicators of relationship abuse. While someone was unable to help Ms. Rosas before her death - we can still raise awareness and speak up to help a friend or loved one in need.

The Safe Space has special resources to help if you believe someone is a victim of abuse. Click here to learn more. Or, read the story of Marisol and Luis - a young couple whose relationship became abusive.

Of course, if you believe someone's life is in danger - call 911 and report it. Your call could save their life!

Remember, no matter how stressed out someone might be violence is NEVER the answer and has no place in anyone's life. If you are feeling stressed, communicate your thoughts calmly and respectfully. If you need to leave the situation for a while, that's ok! Both you and the person you are dating will be able to address issues more clearly after a "cool down." Be mindful that each person deserves to be treated thoughtfully, with respect to their own privacy and space.

From everyone at Break the Cycle and The Safe Space, we wish you a very happy holiday season and a safe, healthy, happy new year!

A New Moon: Team Edward, Team Jacob or Team Healthy Relationships?

So, have you seen New Moon yet? Silly question, I know. If you’re a fan, then the answer is probably “Yes, I’m on a first name basis with the ticket-takers by now.”

I’ve been thinking a lot about New Moon and the entire Twilight series recently. People have been asking me about the appeal of the series, of the relationships, and why so many people are so passion about Team Edward or Team Jacob. After talking with some friends, I think I may have come up with something.

We’ve all heard the criticism of the series and I can’t say that it’s wrong. I’m definitely persuaded by the people who point out that Edward shows an awful lot of the warning signs of an abusive relationship – sneaking into her room without her consent, constant jealousy of other guys talking to Bella, disabling her car to “protect” her, threatening to kill himself if they can’t be together.

Even Jacob, the warm, friendly counterpart to the cold and detached Edward, isn’t as perfect as he seems on the surface. He could transform into a wolf at any minute, particularly if he gets angry or loses control of his emotions. Just look at Sam’s fiancée, Emily, to see what can happen if you’re standing too close when that happens. Jacob even warns Bella that if he gets angry with her, he could lose control and be dangerous to her. That sounds to me like an excuse that I’ve heard from a lot of abusers – it’s not my fault, I lost control.

I could go on and on. There’s no shortage of articles, blogs, and discussions dissecting why Twilight doesn’t portray healthy relationships. We all know that Bella and Edward are not even close to the model of a healthy relationship. And I’d bet that most of us wouldn’t actually want their relationship as our own.

But why is it still so compelling?

I have a theory.

I think it’s Edward’s unwavering feelings for Bella that are so appealing. He thinks she’s perfect, just the way she is. She thinks she’s average-looking, awkward and tragically human. But to Edward, Bella is beautiful, caring, and worthy of his total devotion. He loves her because of her flaws, not in spite of them. Isn’t that we all hope for in a relationship? Love that is secure and stable, that will remain even when we occasionally act tragically human.

Of course, real love takes real communication, faith, and compromise. It’s not as easy as eternal devotion or “imprinting” on your perfect mate. Relationships do end and sometimes we do get hurt. But it’s that uncertainty that makes it so worthwhile, isn’t it? In real life, I’d much rather have a partner who chooses me every day over one who is compelled to be with me by some irresistible force. No question.

I don’t feel guilty about occasionally enjoying the fantasy of a Twilight-style romance because I know it’s not a manual for my real-life relationships. For that, I turn to my sources for good relationship advice, like TheSafeSpace.org,
But for a little bit of escape from the real world, I’ll happily turn to a world where eternal love is possible, the only real dangers are werewolves and vampires, and good will always prevail in the end.

They Just Watched

***Disclaimer***

Due to the serious nature of domestic and dating violence, this posts contains language that is considered graphic.

Last week, a young girl’s life was changed forever. Looking forward to a fun time at a school dance, she probably took her time getting ready wanting to make sure everything was perfect. Maybe she did her hair and put on some make-up. Took a glance (or several) in the mirror to make sure her dress and shoes were just right. Leaving her house, she probably told somebody goodbye, not realizing how significant those words would really be. Then she went to the dance. Probably saw some friends; maybe even danced. And when she left, nothing would be the same.

A 15-year-old was gang raped by at least five guys. For over two hours. Five, ten minutes in a scary situation can leave a mark. What does 120 minutes do to a person when they’re being torn to shreds, physically, mentally, emotionally? I wish no one would ever have to find out.

And it doesn’t end there. Others stood around and watched as this happened. They WATCHED. Maybe they laughed as they cheered the rapists on. Still others heard what was happening and what did they do? Did they call? Not exactly. They stopped by to see for themselves. Some even jumped in. For over TWO HOURS a young girl was RAPED by SEVERAL others. And they just watched. Not until the news fell on one person who understood the horror of it all, did it finally end. Of course, it doesn’t end there for the young girl who lived through it. Her experience of it is only beginning.

Over the past week, people, experts have been trying to make sense of it all. Why did no one say a thing? Why didn’t the witnesses make it stop? But the bottom line is there are no reasons. There is no excuse to do such a thing to someone. There is no excuse not to do something about it. You don’t just ignore it. You don’t just watch.

I wish I could say that this won’t happen again; that it’s the last time a young girl will be hurt in this way. But, sadly, violence against women is happening. A lot. Never be a spectator or just a witness to such a horrible crime. Find a safe way to get help. Find a safe way to speak up.

Learn more about sexual assault and what you can do to help.

A Volunteer's Perspective

Hi there! My name is Teresa and I'm a volunteer at Break the Cycle. I am a senior in college, so I can easily relate to a lot of the experiences and challenges that visitors to our website deal with. A large part of what I do includes answering some of the "Ask Anything" emails that we receive from The Safe Space. Although many of the questions we receive ask for advice on how to safely end a potentially abusive relationship, it has become clear that the issue of domestic and dating violence is widespread and affects many different aspects of teens' lives.

There is a wide variety of emails that come in. These can range from one person asking how they can help their friend get out of an abusive relationship, to another person feeling like they have nowhere to go because they have a child with their abusive boyfriend or girlfriend, to another person who has ended their abusive relationship but is still dealing with the repercussions of the abuse. This shows that the issue of domestic and dating violence is very complex; our job is to try to connect these people to resources that can help their particular situation.

As awareness about teen dating violence has increased nationwide, the emails have increasingly indicated that people are learning how to recognize the warning signs of an abusive relationship. Recognizing the warning signs of abuse is very important because if you don't realize there is a problem, how can you fix it? I am glad that teens are becoming better informed about the dynamics of abusive relationships, because education is the first step to prevention. Yet it is clear that we still have a long way to go in educating teens about the issue of domestic and dating violence.

So what can you do? Continue to visit The Safe Space at http://www.thesafespace.org/ and encourage your friends and classmates to do the same. There you will find many handouts about various topics related to domestic and dating violence, from information about warning signs of abuse, to how to prevent technology from becoming a tool for abuse, to information about your particular state's laws concerning teens and their rights when it comes to dating violence.

When it comes to answering emails, one thing that I learned is that every situation is unique; what works for one person might not work for another. The important thing to remember is that there are options. And if you can't find the information you need, email us--that is what we are here for!

You can reach us at askanything@thesafespace.org.

October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month. 10 ways to Get involved!

Each year in the United States, 2.3 million people are physically or sexually assaulted by a spouse, boyfriend or girlfriend.[1] Adults are not the only ones affected by relationship violence, one in three teens reports experiencing abuse in a relationship[2] . With statistics like that it’s almost certain that a friend, a relative or someone you know has been or will be abused in a relationship. Because relationship violence affects everyone, it’s important that we all join the effort to stop it! So what can you do?

Here is a list of ways you can do your part to raise awareness during Domestic Violence Awareness Month:

1. Visit thesafespace.org, the most comprehensive dating abuse resource online.
2. Wear a purple ribbon all month to show your support for ending violence.
3. Change your Facebook and MySpace status to “I support healthy relationships – take the healthy relationship quiz!” and attach this link http://www.thesafespace.org/pop-quiz/quiz-is-your-relationship-healthy/
4. Volunteer your time at a local DV shelter or organization.
5. How has dating violence affected you? Write a blog about it and send it to us we might publish it!
6. Make copies of this poster and ask your local schools, youth-centers and libraries to put it up.
7. Concerned about a loved one's relationship? Talk to them about it!
8. Become a fan of thesafespace on Facebook and friend us on MySpace!
9. Write a letter to your principal telling them you want the school to take action against dating violence on campus.
10. Send this list to as many friends as you can and get them to join effort to end domestic and dating violence!

Check out http://www.thesafespace.org/spotlight/ for more ways you can help to end dating violence!


[1] National Institute of Justice and Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, “Extent, Nature, and Consequences of Intimate Partner Violence: Findings from the National Violence Against Women Survey.” July 2000.

[2] Carolyn Tucker Halpern, Ph.D. et al., “Partner Violence Among Adolescents in Opposite-Sex Romantic Relationships: Findings From the National Longitudinal Study of Adolescent Health.” American Journal of Public Health 91 (2001) 1680.