If you see something, say something

All over the New York subways there’s an ad campaign that states “if you see something, say something”. When I first saw these ads I thought they were amusing, but painfully obvious. Of course if you see a crime you should say something. But the longer I lived in New York the more I began to realize that too often people let things happen and do nothing. Many people witness assaults or other crimes but do nothing because they feel it’s none of their business. While it may be none of your business, in many situations if a witness had spoken up or called the police the situation could have been averted. In the Chris Brown- Rihanna incident, it was a stranger in the neighborhood who called the police after hearing Rihanna call for help. If that stranger never called the police, would the world have ever known?

After a while I realized this subway ad campaign was really important, because people often are reluctant to speak up. I believe this is a common problem not only in New York, but across the United States. This issue is related to teen dating violence because silence and family privacy is a norm that enables violence. According to the Prevention Institute, this norm encourages silence around domestic and dating abuse and discourages those who witness it from intervening. This norm is reflected in the fact that even though teens turn to their friends for help first, “teens also express reluctance to intervene in dating violence situations and did not perceive that their help would be effective.” Thinking about the previous post But What Can I Do?, if you see a friend or a stranger in need, better to do too much than too little.

I would like to urge everyone to step outside of their individual life and think about themselves as a member of a larger community. Be that person who steps up if you witness abuse or another crime in public. You don’t have to be the hero, rush into a dangerous situation, or be overbearing when you don’t know the situation. But don’t simply sit quiet and try to ignore it if someone is being hurt. Call the police or try to safely help the person in need. You may not know if your help is needed, but if you see something it’s definitely worth it to say something.

-AR(BTC intern)

Do you deserve it?

Despite the fact that most people seem to agree that dating violence is wrong, it seems that many teens are justifying it. If you look at many of the blogs about dating violence, a lot of the comments say that the victim of abuse must have done something to provoke the abuser and therefore deserved the consequences. How does that sound to you? Is it okay to hit your boyfriend or girlfriend just because they make you really upset? Can someone say something to you that justifies you hitting them? Unfortunately many teens feel this way. A lot of them think that violence (physical or verbal) is a part of any normal relationship. A lot of the teens I talk to say that they believe that it is not okay to hit your partner, but many of them admit that they see it happen all the time at school, at home or in their communities.


According to the CDC, 10% of students in our country have been physically harmed by a boyfriend or girlfriend in the past year. And The National Teen Dating Abuse Helpline said that this percentage doubles to 20% for those students who have been in a “serious” relationship. Hurting a boyfriend or girlfriend, be it physically or emotionally, is never a part of a healthy relationship. I encourage you to comment on the blogs and videos where you see people leaving comments that promote the idea that it’s the victim’s fault. Let your peers know that that isn’t the case and abusers should be held accountable for their actions. Each person is responsible for his or her actions and that includes our reactions to other people, no matter how angry we get at them.

Dating Abuse on T.V??

Today I stumbled upon PADV’s Teen Scene blog (it’s great, you should check it out!) and was struck by an entry that they had written about the Death Cab for Cutie song “I will possess your heart .” If you haven’t heard the song, you can listen to it here and check out PADV’s blog for the lyrics. Among other things, the post talks about how at first listen, the song is catchy, beautiful and melodic. However, when you listen closely you notice that the lyrics paint a picture of someone who is possessive and who, at times, acts like a stalker.

I remember, distinctly, that a few weeks ago, I had heard “I will possess your heart” on KROQ and had thought “these lyrics are creepy/this guy sounds like a stalker/abuser.” I thought that. And then I almost immediately forgot it, until I read the PADV teen scene blog.

The blog also had a post about The Hills and abusive relationships, which made me think about all the instances of abusive behavior I had seen on t.v. lately. That made me think about how a lot of the time, signs of abusive relationships and abuse in general (especially the verbal and emotional kind) go unnoticed on tv, music and in all forms of entertainment. It’s important to recognize abuse as abuse when you see it, whether it be on t.v or in real life, because whether we want to admit it or not, the things that we see around us affect the way we act. Being aware of abuse on t.v. and in the media can help us to better recognize and protect ourselves from abuse in our lives and around us.

Can you think of a song, tv show or movie where abusive behaviors are featured? Do you think seeing abuse in the media has an effect on the viewer? Tell me what you think.